The End of Our Trip

The End of Our Trip

It is our last day before heading home. Today we are sleeping in. This seems like the most important thing to do in London today. It won out over Windsor Palace, Harrod’s, Harry Potter, and the markets. It even beats going to Dover; the last stop on our tentative itinerary. Given the fact that we got up at 3 am yesterday, it makes sense. I think however, it is more than that.

We spent yesterday doing laundry, and eating. That is really all we had on our plates.

That …. is unusual. What I notice is that my life no longer has these gaps of time in which ‘nothing’ is planned. The time in which one might grab a book and read, or rest.

At home, I get to get over jet lag. This time we won’t have done any work to avoid jet lag, as we did on the way over.  A day after I return, I am getting married. (Yay!)  Somehow, I must unpack, write vows, and stay awake past 5 pm! (That will be the hardest part.) I do need to spend some time with my new husband-to-be. Then it will be off on a honeymoon.

In that upcoming trip,  hiking along the Appalachian Trail with my newly wed husband, those down times are required. Of necessity, there are days that one has the important tasks of eating, laundry, and resting. How will it feel, to limit myself, to revisit these times of recharging. I realize I have lost those times. Will I rage against them when imposed upon me? Will they be temporary? Will I bring them back into my daily life?

Through the thin walls of our cottage, I can hear the family next door, with several little children. They have the opposite problem. Days upon days of nothing but eating, laundry and naps. That too is extremely challenging. What does life mean without some sense of ‘doing” something? The question is how do we find, and maintain, that balance point, even through our career development and family emergence? I know many of us struggle with this.

It is interesting for me to experience the extremes of this dichotomy, within such a short period of time. I have gone from not a moment unscheduled, to an extended break from paid work, as well as my hobbies and vocations. I can really feel the challenges in both sides of this: Too Busy/Not Enough challenge.

We have not even dived into the deeper questions of why we do this to ourselves, and why we feel what we do when in these times. Why is it hard to acknowledge that living a good life is no longer enough? Why is it not enough to make it through the day, or through our life, without becoming famous (or at least having someone outside ourselves acknowledged us/our work?)

We use busy-ness to keep us from feeling empty, to keep us distanced from others. The contact might make us feel. Or think. Why is that so uncomfortable? What happens in the stillness / what arises? What is so scary?

See I am doing it now. Here I am blogging on vacation.

In doing so, I am also experiencing, revisiting, some things that were lost and I miss. I am seeing some things that pinch and noting that I would like to change. Inside, I am changing. This is all what I wanted: to change my life, to slow down, to BE more.

It is uncomfortable. I think, however, I am on the right track. I will continue on.

Soon, I will write about food and herbs and yoga adventures. Who knows what else might happen before then! It’s so exciting!

Life!

 

by Tama Cathers

Note below:

This is my favorite art detail.  I can feel the warm slow lick of the comforting dog on the foot of this child, I can hear the thoughts of the dog, and feel the sun, tongue and breeze on the foot.  It makes me laugh and feel warm all at the same time!

The Near the End of Our Trip to England and Paris – I feel like a healthier person

The Near the End of Our Trip,  I must say, that the trip has not been without it’s good moments – and a few bad ones. I have loved holding my daughter’s hand while we traveled through the cities. I loved watching her be a child, and watching her practice being adult-ishness. She is still in charge of much of the navigation, but also the playing. Bubbles, straws and drinks or a few rocks still provide an hour of entertainment. I am in charge of…well, everything else, including seeing so many famous works of art, landmarks, and architecture. Seeing these things has changed our understanding of history.

Overseas travel has gotten easier in the last 10 years. There seems to be no need to change much money, debit cards work everywhere except for artists, tips, and alms. The internet helps to navigate your almost every step. I semi-successfully used Uber, as well as Airbnb and Couchsurfing. Oddly enough, the trip has gone entirely according to plan. Even the parts ‘without plans’ went according to plan: adventures were had!

Other than those difficult incidents (or 1 notable day), it has been a good trip. About a week too long, but good. The trip itself has been one of the hardest travel experiences I’ve had; from planning, to travel, driving on the other side of the road, traveling alone with a child, going so many placee – all were challenging.  I feel that I have worked out my leadership and responsibility muscles, more than I am used to in my previous day-to-day life. That is okay. I need to develop these qualities to tolerate more extended periods of leadership.

While I feel tired (my feet hurt from so much travel by foot), and fatigued (from not enough sleep), and drained (from being the tour guide, decision maker, cook, laundress, chauffeur, cheerleader, counselor, parent and disciplinarian), I do not feel anxious in the way I did before I left. I no longer feel my worth is tied to other specific people’s opinion of me. I am getting a slightly tougher parental and personal skin (I hope.) I am not so scared of what comes next in my life, and who I will be, and if I will like myself in my next portion of life.

I feel like I have really had a break from my old life. I no longer feel like a XYorZ Professional. I feel like a person. I feel calmer. I feel healthier, in my soul. I think that is a great spot from which to start the next stage of my life.

THE ADVENTURE

 

THE ADVENTURE

 

And so it begins…

 

Not really. It’s been going on for quite a while already. Days. Maybe months.

 

But we are on the plane!

 

My fiancé was given a family trip to Alaska, that my daughter and I could not attend. I lightheartedly said, “Fine, then I am returning my computer, and taking my daughter Pony Hacking across England.”

That’s how it started.

 

Sigh.

 

Well, we are not Pony Hacking across England, but we are going to England. The Pony Hacking got cancelled when I thought about days 2, 3 and 3 of a 5-7-day ride.

I thoughtfully decide against a long Pony Trek.   I did return my Apple.  I got a PC for <1/4^th the cost. Ad this niffy blue laptop for 200 bucks!  (Well – not THIs one – I poured water on the first one.  This is the second one, as they laptops are quite allergic to water.  That was when the Pony trek went out the window. The trip got a facelift:  A tourist trip of England (enough said right there, but wait there’s more) on a budget – so I would do the planning and booking. Yay! How hard could that be?

We raised a thousand dollars with garage sales! We couldn’t believe it.

After some point in time, however, the trip became “The Planning NightMare.”   It’s been torture. I have never had a more difficult planning of a trip.  The whole thing got bogged down.  Life happened.  Stress happened. Someone wouldn’t give me my daughter’s passport. Held hostage, after 7 requests, and months of delays.  Ugh- So ugly.  Influenza happened.  Not sleeping.  Getting engaged. Planning for a wedding, planning for a celebration. Planning to start a new business.  Planning time off for a honeymoon. Planning this trip – all of which was at odds with my work.  My work, which was at odds with my Self,  My life,  My Being.   Then there was quitting… you know. It’s been a little busy.

I had an idea of what I wanted to do in the north of England, but just couldn’t put it together. Over and over – it was a nut I couldn’t crack. For example –  If I did the hike I wanted, I ended up in a small town without bus service on a Sunday and couldn’t get out of.  I couldn’t for the life of me manage to understand the online booking system for the trains.  I finally gave up and booked a car. Gasp of horror! Yes – driving on the left side.  I am visualizing, turning left and into the left lane, stay to the left, go left….

It was the flight to Paris, that I really had a difficult time doing.  I delayed booking my trip to Paris, because I heard it was better to buy tickets over there, but that has not turned out so well.  I tried for the last 2 weeks, just to make a booking and could not do it.  My opinion is that EasyJet is really Drive You Crazy/Difficult Jet. I mean – Grrr! Just. Don’t GO there!  No matter what airline, I would find a slightly acceptable flight, finally, and when I clicked to purchase the site would time out and the fare was gone.

I spent hours on this one task.  Finally, the night before our trip, I tried one more time. I found a flight AND booked it!  WaLa! We were going to England and Paris. No Ponies. No PC’s.

 

Then there is my daughter. She is 13. Did I mention that?

She has still been wonderful, delightful, fun. Most of the time.

She came home and unpacked a full-on teen attitude.

She also came on Seattle time. 8 hours behind Seattle.

She has resisted everything so far.  Adjusting her sleep schedule.   Doing any thing except reading.  Even repacking into a bigger bag which – to her delight – she discovered she has better access to her activities and media. She rolls her eyes. The worst thing is that she just looks at me like her face is dead.  It’s hard enough when I am gross or stupid, but that dead look really gets me.

I guess I am going to have to get used to that. It will put my self-esteem on the chopping block. It used to be so easy to be …esteemed.  Now – I just have to Esteem Myself…. Be myself. Otherwise – everything I do is just too embarrassing to do, and I can be me at all.  That won’t happen! But – it is still hard!

Sigh.

So here we go.

On our trip.

We’re going to drive all over the country on the wrong side of the road. I am going to be embarrassing.  While doing this, I will be working on my self-worth.  At the end of 10 years or so, I should be bomb proof!

 

All this being said, there will be a lack of recipes for a few weeks. I hope you can tolerate it.  So, hang on, we’re going to go for a ride. I should be back to herbs in a few weeks.